New Blog!

Like every other married couple ever, I have a new blog. I may post here occasionally, but I kind of doubt it unless I have something that's just about me or poetry or something. 

http://skylerandkara.blogspot.com

Doyle

I had a Doyle moment this morning.

I saw two quails running around outside my apartment and I immediately had the thought that I should call Nana and tell her.

I miss her.

At a loss.

I've been at a loss for words for the past week. Family members have updated Facebook statuses, but I just didn't know what to say. I still don't.

My heart is hurting because my Nana, my mom's mom and last living grandparent, passed on today.

She had been on vacation in Portland with my aunt and her family when she got sick. Hemorrhagic Pancreatitis. The first day in the hospital looked grim and I went through several stages on grief all at once.

I was unbelievably sad. I hadn't seen her in months and was coming home that very day- why couldn't she have been in Texas where I could see her?

I was angry. I have a very few people in my family that are able to be at my wedding ceremony, and now she is gone. I had been looking forward to going through the temple with her there. She never even got to meet the man that I love and am going to marry. And I'm sad he never got to meet one of my favorite people.

And then I was in disbelief. I just couldn't accept what was happening- it couldn't be. She was a healthy person now in the ICU with a drinker's disease- why? I had fully expected her to live to see my children. I never even talked to her about my engagement. ...I've been feeling really bad about this, that I hadn't talked to her in a while, but my dad reminded me that phones work both ways.

And then she started to turn around- the news was good, we started talking about her return to Texas, she was released from the ICU- I grew hopeful that even if she was not 100%, she could hold on for just 4 months to see me get married- I realize my feelings have been very selfish- I just really wanted to talk to her again, and I hate that she knows the guy who treated me the worst but never got to meet the one that loves me best.

But things didn't stay hopeful. She got pneumonia and it finished her. I am glad she was able to go peacefully with both her daughters there. I am glad that she is reunited with her husband, her siblings, and her parents. However, I am not sealed to my Nana. But I do not think the rest of us can leave this life without being sealed to her. I look forward to the day we go to the temple to eternally unite our family together.

And though I know we can be together for all time, I will still miss her for the rest of this earthly life. She is a wonderful person who truly loved her family and those around her. She was a hard worker. A bird watcher. A believer. Someone wise and caring who tried her best in all things. She was and is a wonderful example to me of how I want to live my life. She was my support. She is a disciple of Christ.

I hope to feel her presence near me throughout the rest of my life. I pray that I will know she is there in December. But until I join her, I will miss her.

I wish I could have told her one last time that I love her.

Shirley Wodraska was my grandmother. She passed away today. But I will see her again when she welcomes me home.

The Greatest Gift

What is the greatest gift you have ever been given?

I've been thinking about the best gift I've been given a lot lately.

Now, just so no one thinks I'm a heathen, yes the Atonement would have to be number one along with the truth of the gospel and the gift of the Holy Ghost, but with that disclaimer aside, there is something else in my life that could never ever be replaced by anything or anyone else. And maybe this gift will change someday when I have kids or something, but I kind of doubt it because it has shaped so much of who I am.

I am incomplete without this gift. I would be a entirely different person had I never been blessed by it. And I'm extremely grateful to those who made this gift possible which must include both Divinity and my parents.

The Greatest Gift I have ever received in my life is actually two amazing gifts. My sisters.

I've been missing them a lot lately, and it really is hard to be so far away from them.

So, Julie & Lauren, you are my favorite people. I am most me when I'm with you. I suppose our siblings could have been anyone. But I can't imagine what my life would be like if we didn't have each other.

We haven't all lived in the same house now for about 12 years, and it will probably be about 50 more until we're little old ladies, wearing matching outfits and wide-brimmed hats sipping lemonade on our big porch (probably with binoculars close by for bird watching), but won't life be a fun adventure? People say they can't wait to grow old with their spouse, but I can't wait to grow old with my sisters. We'll be as crazy as those who came before us and I don't give a hoot. We'll have earned that right.

Someday, I'm sure we'll bury one another. But we know we'll see each other again, because no matter where life takes us, we're stuck together:) And it won't be sad because our lives will have been full, because we have each other and many others to love. Plus we'll have hilarious stories to share so people will remember what we were like when we could still touch our toes. And at the awesome party we'll have (because we'll celebrate the life each of us had, not mourn that one has started a new journey) Lauren will show off her awesome moves and say "In my day we danced like this."

I love you. Both of you, an insurmountable sum.

My sisters are the Greatest Gift I've ever gotten.

Dear World,

I don't hate you, so why have you conspired against me today?

Ok. I take it back. Today wasn't all bad. In fact, some parts were incredible. But some events have left a dark shadow over the rest.

I could be really negative about everything and be angry for a long time, but that doesn't help. So I'll try to look at the possible silver linings. However tiny they may be.

So about today....

I may be contracting chemical pneumonia from all the toxic crap I inhaled this morning for cleaning checks.

I can't paint my nails to save my life... (not a big thing, but I did once have a major emotional breakdown and my nails happened to be the last straw, so... significant in its own obscure way).

I found out my gums are growing and threatening to overtake my back molars (=PAIN).

Beekman 1802 Autumn scented soap.

Amazing hair day.

Got a really great job that I'm excited about.

May be able to take another class Summer semester, for FREE.

Mother Nature.

Got lost on my way to my cousin's wedding reception (Congratulations Sharon! Love ya! You're beautiful).

Got even more lost on our way to Park City. Which we never reached BECAUSE...

Possibly (Beyond a reasonable doubt) blew a front gasket.... overheated car, long tow truck ride home.... I'm expecting a bill that well exceeds my net worth...times ten.

However, on our "detour" the weather was beautiful and the scenery idyllic. Even if we almost did make it to Wyoming...

Our truck driver was really nice. Good guy. I hope good things come his way.

And even if my car has given up the ghost (the cost of repair is half the car's total worth, if not more), somehow it will all be OK. And as much as not having a car would suck, a tiny part of me would be relieved to see Penelope go. I've cried over that car far too often lately. But don't tell her that, another, more practical, part of me wants it to be a cheap fix;) but I probably shouldn't get my hopes up.

If I ever saw you again...

I would run through piles of swarming fire ants...

I would jump off twenty foot concrete walls...

I would sprint through speeding cars...

to get away from you.

How do I know this? Because I dream it.

Taking Chances

Don't know much about your life.
Don't know much about your world, but
Don't want to be alone tonight,
On this planet they call earth.

You don't know about my past, and
I don't have a future figured out.
And maybe this is going too fast.
And maybe it's not meant to last,

But what do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?

I just want to start again,
And maybe you could show me how to try,
And maybe you could take me in,
Somewhere underneath your skin?

What do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?

And I had my heart beaten down,
But I always come back for more, yeah.
There's nothing like love to pull you up,
When you're laying down on the floor there.

So talk to me, talk to me,
Like lovers do.
Yeah walk with me, walk with me,
Like lovers do,
Like lovers do.

What do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?

Don't know much about your life
Don't know much about your world